words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup . . .

learning to play the ukelele
jumping off swings
polaroid pictures
learning things the hard way
crushes
violin
celebrating birthdays
burn-out
singing with a jazz quartet this summer
ra position
chicago gig
moving out of my room
confused
excited
about to go to florida, for free?!
out of money
out of time
classes ending
good riddance
it has been the hardest and best year of my life.


the ultimate motivation to finish the semester:
'm seeing regina spektor in chicago a week from tomorrow.
oh.

my.

god.

PS

if you're free/near a radio tonight, tune into 90.1 WEFT!
i'm playing from 10-11 p.m.

have a great evenin!

PPS

yes we're going to "sell the house" but not right at this moment. we're just really trying to declutter/simplify so that my parents can start looking for a smaller place in the next year.

-i'm going to get this website up if it kills me.
-we're clearing out/selling the o'brien house.
-i'm finally going to get my passport in.
-i got the RA position for the fall. ideally, i will be an RA out in tri-towers in fall, and live/study in florence for spring semester.
-i am setting up more shows for this semester.
-i am single.
-i am slowly learning to play the cello.
-i am working on guitar.
-i am enjoying my music therapy sessions at the middle school in bloomington.
-i am growing. up. fast.
-i am grieving.
-i am learning.

and it's all...........good.

i am:

-happy.
-learning to play the upright bass.
-writing new songs.
taking a yoga and water-walking class.
-learning a little more about guitar. slowly but surely.
-interviewing to be an RA for next fall, and then hopefully i'll spend the spring semester in italy!
-about to buy my first laptop.
-going in every direction possible, but i feel very centered and in control.
-trying to branch out a bit more; play some shows in other venues/cities. any ideas? any great music venues on your campus? i'm trying to head to southern to visit tiffany/play (so far we have a gay bar in mind....haha) and i'm also workin on a chicago show or two. maybe wisconsin? we'll see.
-thrilled about playing with THE WANDERING SONS and at the parkland theater and with the casados in the upcoming month or so.
-craving an out-of-country experience. craving a new scene.
-not going home until spring break.
-in love.
-starving. this dorm room can't hold a fraction of the food i want at any given time.
-curious about what will happen this summer. what are your plans?
-applying for more scholarships this week. goal number one.
-just now discovering fiona apple. what a treat!
-thankful.


classes:

-non-western music literature (amazing. taught by a way-too-interesting female ethnomusicologist from ghana)
-jazz/rock music theory
-jazz/rock aural skills
-voice
-computer skills for musicians
-encore (12 person vocal jazz ensemble)
-psychology (development of the human lifespan)

-PRACTICUM ----> i will be working, with a partner, in a local junior high - there are 14-15 kids with cognitive delay, learning disabilities, and behavior disorders.



miss you. like you. thanks for reading.

wow. what a break this has been!

the most recent activity was going to ohio last week, and staying in the lovely oakridge cabin with alix, alex, matt j, chelsea, dan, julia, greer, wise, and jackie. what a FANTASTIC group of people, a fantastic cabin, and a fantastic hot tub. that's all i have to say about that. i enjoyed myself so much and i know i hadn't seen a lot of you in some time, and i felt so comfortable/welcome. thank you. :)

holidays were purty good. felt a little scrooge-y this year, about things like carols and trees and christmas decorations. but i enjoyed my family and the food, so it counts as a success.

am missing isu. for the first time. :) it feels fantastic.

and three cheers for rachel being in the same state!

what else has happened......

have been babysitting a little, that's good
had a gig at the iron post, and that was fun!

have sold just over 400 cds!! woo hoo!!

( only 700 more to go :D )

i got nothin else to say. i don't even remember how to post on this thing, it's been so long. but wise inspires me to persevere and keep trying to update. haha. so maybe i'll start again.

hope you're well. i like ya.

so i read all of your updates, regularly, and sometimes comment, but it hasn't occurred to me in a long time that i could just keep writing. hahah. i've been super busy but i always forget that i CAN update, so i'm gonna try to be more regular with this thing.

things are good. crazy busy. i can't wait to have a different schedule next semester, haha but break's coming very soon and that will be refreshing. on thursday, i'm going to kansas city for a four day national music therapy conference! thousands of professionals IN MY FIELD all sharing experiences/workshops/drum circles/research/news/passion. 

i had a gorgeous weekend in chicago (over rachel's TWENTIETH birthday!) and saw the decemberists. what an incredible show. jesus.

more later. i miss you. HOW are you?

- my voice teacher says:
always sing with your diaphragm. never press when you're singing low. back perfectly upright. your abdomen should puff out like a balloon when you breathe in, and should fall inward when you breathe out. never say "dontchyou," always say "don't you"; you tend to say "und" instead of "and," also. keep the italian consistent. only take breaths where there are breath marks; nowhere else. make the lines long and flowing. memorize the notes. memorize the rhythms. feel the song, but don't sell it like a musical theater piece. make eye contact, but don't raise your chin too high.

- my choir teacher says:
one big breath! facial expression. read the notes as best you can. breathe whenever you can; just not at the same time as everyone else; it must be staggered in a group setting so the tone is continuous.

-my heart says:
sink your teeth into this school. become an RA, get a job, study abroad, play gigs, make friends, do well in school, make time for everything and everyone, but take your time. eeee i'm so excited for the release, because it will be so fun and i'll feel so relieved. i thought i'd feel rejuvinated and ready to play out a ton and really sell this CD every chance i get.... but i'm ready to hibernate now. haha. now i can take a break, and take my time with music.... now the project is DONE, and i can have so many other things in my life.

-my schedule says:
one thing at a time. this week: RA application in, meetings, required concerts, school, friends.
                                    next week: get ready for release and encore concert the next day. take care of myself. relax and prepare.
                                   after that: relaaaaaaaaaaaax. if people wanna buy CDs, fantastic. haha.

i'm a student and that's all i feel like being for right now.

i figured out that the root of all the craziness is that i'm being pulled in so many directions. with school and trying to move forward as a musician, with friends and organizations at school.... it even happens between two different voice coaches. there are just so many different ways to do everything. and that's okay.

it won't be long until i can relax, prioritize, and enjoy this cd project from a distance.
it doesn't have to be "being pulled in so many directions," but it can be "expanding in different ways."

i can have as much or as little as i want;
there is no right or wrong; there is no pace too fast or slow.

      for right now, i want one thing at a time.

i think this is gonna work for me.


oh, and also, i know you have been hearing about the cds all summer long, but there are 1,125 of them in my livingroom. and it feels so damn good. it's finally here. eee.

good things (this heading usually follows entries like the last one):

cds will be shipped to champaign on thursday.
there is officially cello/viola for the release.
coffeehouse poetry slam tonight.


it's time to get some balls and start putting myself out there.
i want friends. i want stability. and i'm gonna go get it.

i am trying so damn hard to make it work.
i want it to just be.
WHAT IS IT that i am missing?
how can things feel so right with music therapy
and so wrong with me?
how do i get where i want to be?
i'm really trying to make this year so different
without killing myself - because i want to just let things be how they are.


              .....but i just don't like how things are.

tryingtryingtryingtryingiamsotiredofonlytryingtryingtryingtrying



     icanandwillgetthere.buthow?

sooooo.

the cd release is september 23rd, from 9-10 pm! i will make flyers and send out facebook invites and start advertising for it this weekend. i babysat, made a cd, pierced my ears, dyed my hair really dark, and had a really productive summer. and now i'm looking forward to all music classes this semester, learning guitar, improving sightsinging, learning more about therapy, studying abroad, becoming an RA, and doing gigs around this area. yesssssss. i'm also having an amazing time with jess. we are room/soul mates.

i have NINE classes. nine. haha. it is a -hard- semester. yet i'm so happy i could cry. school just feels amazing and i feel incredible. i feel new and capable and excited.   eeeemusictherapy. i still can't believe it's a real career.

i miss a lot of people. time to start up on the snail mail. please post an address if you'd like something cause i have a ball with it and i can always use a penpal :)


so yeah. yay. about life.

welcome back to school, everybody! hope it either feels good to be back.
i decided that this year feels pretty damn fantastic.
i got to have rachel here for the day - she helped move me in & we went to the castle theater and ran around campus a little bit and ran some errands. it was wonderful.

maybe i'm finally ready to be where i am and like where i am. yes yes yes. classes start up at 8 am tomorrow:

beginning guitar
piano 3
voice
music in recreation (therapy stuff)
music theory
musicianship
music literature
+ recital attendance
+hopefully women's chamber choir
+hopefully encore (vocal jazz group)!!!!

in catching up with people from last year, i think i've heard more about the movie "snakes on a plane" than i have about peoples' summers. hahah. i love it.

i used every last minute of the summer - but the cd is OFFICIALLY sent away! out of my hands! i get 1000 copies back in september! now only the release + some gigs to plan!! i'll miss babysitting a lot but it will feel good to have something different during the day. my schedule is kinda like high school....8-3 blocked each day, kinda like high school.

eeeee it's starting! hope things are well for you!

playing tonight at the canopy club at 9:30 if you're interested. :)
going to chicago with rachel, jack, and lucas tomorrow and monday!! so excited!!
went to ISU yesterday to visit scott and ken. i'm finally really excited to go back.
i stupidly planned the cd release before i've even sent off the final copy of everything to the company...hahah because there are no time guarantees...but i'm hoping to get the jacket and everything done and sent away by next week. aaaanywho. 
things are good.